Different Skill Notebook

Reframe Expectations for Organized Living

 

Welcome to the Different Skill Notebook. Today we have a guest speaker Samantha Salver a licensed clinical social worker. 

COVID has brought to the forefront that academics may not be the most important skill to succeed. With home learning, parents have realized that in order to independently navigate a school day there are non-academic skills involved. Organized thinking and living are required for a child to be independent.  Parents are continuously bombarded with academic expectations and activities. Not all these expectations and activities are necessary. Let us examine. 

In this episode, you will learn about assessing and shifting your expectations to ensure that you are prioritizing the skills that your children need most: 

1. Reframing your parenting by adjusting the lens to adjust your view.  

• reexamine expectations and needs

2.  Assess learning style:

• How does your child learn best? 
• Do they need a change in the learning environment? 

3. Prioritize skills: What skills does your child need most to meet their needs and succeed now?

 

Be mindful of: 

• Assess pace of learning some children need more time 
• Celebrate all success no matter how small
• Acknowledging that your child's strengths and weaknesses may be different than yours 

 

 

Knowing My Needs

Knowing My Needs!

 

In guiding our children to find their power and voice we want to instruct and guide them in self-awareness and self-care. The first step to self-advocacy is knowing yourself and your needs. When venturing on this journey of knowing self and self care always keep at the forefront of your mind “wonderfully and purposefully made”. And the knowing self journey is more about discovering the wonder and purpose in you as a parent and in your child.

“Remember you and your child are wonderfully and purposely made.”

Ana Anselma

As I am writing this I am reflecting on myself and my journey as a parent, I am still learning to identify my own needs. Our bodies are continually evolving with age. Consider this a journey and process of self-discovery that you can experience with your own child. Explore with me understanding our needs and the ability to communicate regarding those needs. One of the most helpful and enlightening steps I took as a parent was learning about the brain and how thinking impacts behavior. This expanded my perspective on why people and children behave the way they do sometimes. Also know that:

 

Parenting is more about being present, patient, persistent, persevering

and never about perfection.

Ana Anselma

 

Story:

We all have moments or situations in our parent journey that make a lasting impression on us. When my son Nick was in 2nd grade he came home and said I am not going to school anymore. Nick was a boy of few words. He was extremely compliant, content, and seemed to enjoy attending his school. Well, the next morning came and he in fact refused to go to school. Knowing him well I knew that he always did best if when we took a step back and allowed him time to process his thoughts and feelings. And take a break like he would so often request. This way he could communicate to us why was he not going to go school again. Well much to everyone’s surprise his teachers included one week went by. After discussing with his therapist we all agreed that we needed to wait till Nick was able to share with us his reason with us. Forcing him to go to school would only escalate the situation and not allow us to resolve whatever his struggle was with school. His teachers and school could not have been more supportive. They were horrified and kept thinking it was something they may have done. The amount of stress that both Jon and I endured was so painful. We felt helpless and the waiting seemed like an eternity.

After that week Nick said I cannot write so I cannot go to school. Nick is a concrete thinker and with autism your perspective taking is challenging. He could not write so there was no point in continuing to attend school. This made perfect sense in his mind. One solution eliminate the problem which was school. After he made that statement I knew that it was going to be a process to explain to him that writing is an evolving skills and for some kids it takes longer than others. In fact, that is a the lesson here, learning is process and some of us to take a bit longer than others. The current academic demands allow very little room for changing or different paces. Since Nick started attending Bethany Christian School I always shared with them that Nick would remain at the school as long as it was a place where his needs could be met and he could thrive. I had no expectation of the school having to adjust to his needs. As a small private school I knew they did not have the resources or tools to deal with complex learning differences. The headmaster Sam always laughed at me and said what are you talking about. I took it one year at a time. I always evaluated schools by how they were a fit for my children. There are amazing school out there that offer amazing programming however, are they the best fit for your child.

Well they worked with me and we agreed on some accommodations and adjustments to his writing curriculum. We agreed that he would start his writing assignments in class and then he would have extra time to complete the writing assignments at home. His language skills gaps required more time and instruction. We would write at home several times a week and we also would focus on creative writing about things he could see. For example, we sat outside one afternoon and spent a long time admiring the oak trees in front of our house and describing their powerful qualities. This was a moment in my life with my son that I realized that he would need me advocate for him till he could advocate for himself. His learning style required that he would be allowed the time that he needs to better develop his skills. Through encouraging open communication, he is now empowered to advocate for himself and explain how language processing and expressing himself was a challenging skill for him. He can acknowledge his progress although frustrating and slow at times I always reminded him that progress is progress.

I always have seen him as a the turtle that perseveres and arrives at his pace. I acknowledged, respected and protected his pace and process. I have always advocated with him and shown him to share his needs with his teachers. His authenticity and transparency has always been surprising to his teachers. They have always worked with him as they see his commitment to the process and his consistent incremental progress. Today my son is a junior in high school and is in honors english. He is still struggling with his writing however, he is always asking for help and guidance. By doing so, he is able to make progress and compete the task at hand.

It is not our weaknesses that defeat us it is our inability to face them that can overcome us. Ana Anselma

 

Strategy:

1. Promote self-awareness of needs and the language (words) to identify those needs. Know yourself and needs.

For younger children focus on the more physical and concrete aspects. There are also fun ways to describe our brains as computers that need shutting down and rebooting. You can equate the body with a car that requires fuel. We want to promote respect for our bodies.

• Body: exercise, healthy eating and proper hygiene

• Brain: learning, focus, regulation, anxiety and stress

• Heart: emotional regulation and mood management

2. Know what you need to fulfill your needs. Use positive, encouraging and specific language to identify and categorize smart choices for self-care.

• Healthy/ Unhealthy:

We use healthy and unhealthy to label everything in our home. It’s less judgmental and condemning to say that is an unhealthy choice. We all make unhealthy choices however we want to encourage each other to make more healthy choices. Healthy and unhealthy can apply to more than just food. It can apply to all our choices. We want our children to know the choices that are best for them and their needs.

• Strengths/Weaknesses:

  An important aspect of knowing what you need is understanding areas where you have a skill weakness or difficulty. It is also just as important to identify strengths. We never want our children to believe that they are a sum of their weaknesses. We want them to know and understand their strengths. Also learn to use their strengths to minimize their weaknesses. Exploring passions may also identify an activity or hobby that can help build skills to minimize weaknesses.

Do not make a big deal about weaknesses because we all have them. We also have to be patient every child develops at a different pace and it is unwise to compare. Not all flowers bloom at the same time.

• Need/Want:

  Differentiate between a need and a want.

• Calm/Chaos:

  Differentiate calm from chaotic environments and situations by labeling them as they present themselves.

If your child has a learning difference make sure that they have the words to properly and positively identify their learning difference. You want your child to have the the words to describe themselves positively.

• Clarify/Confuse:

  Assist in identifying individuals that clarify versus confuse the situations. Differentiate clarity from confusion by labeling scenarios that present themselves.

Build:

Model communicating needs and seeking assistance.

Creating a supportive and encouraging environment for your child to build the self-confidence and assertiveness to ask for help or guidance.

• Encourage and model asking questions. (Who, what, where, when, why and how?)

• Encourage investigation to learn about themselves (body) and to seek assistance. Who can assist you?

  • identify tools and resources where you both can learn more about your bodies

• Practice asking for help and/or additional information.

• Model these behaviors for your child all the time.

Model playing, rest and leisure time:

• Enjoy being present with your kids. We are walking and nature exploring family. Although our car pooling and driving together days were always times of sharing and unpacking our days just as well.

  • Leisure time is a time to connect and get to know each other better. Providing your kids with multiple opportunities to share with you about themselves.

 

Resources:

James, Nancy S. Self-Advocacy: Know Yourself, Know What You Need, Know How To Get It. https://www.wrightslaw.com/info/sec504.selfadvo.nancy.james.htm

Adapting Parenting Style to Meet Child's Needs

Adapting a Parenting Style

 

Welcome to the different skill notebook podcast! Today we have a special guest Samatha Salver, LMSW. Samantha is part of the Social Mind Center team. Samantha leads social communication groups, organized thinking/executive function coaching, and individual counseling. Visit her page on our website: https://www.socialmindcenter.com/coaching.

Our conversation today focuses on "adapting" a parenting style to meet your child's needs. 

Academic success is inter-dependent on social-emotional skills. Frequently, our parent's focus and prioritize reading, writing, and math. These are very important skills that encompass a part of the academic day. The rest of the academic day requires skills such as listening, focusing, and staying on task.  These are some of the skills required to independently navigate the school day. In every grade, there is an expectation of the child independently completing tasks, transitioning, and engaging in-class activities. All these skills fall under the social-emotional learning skill group. 

More important than grades is your child's social-emotional welfare. Children should enjoy the learning experience, community, and building relationships with classmates as well as teachers. 

Strategy: Identifying and understand your child's social-emotional needs. Know your wants and how do they match up to your child's needs. 

•  Expand your knowledge on the social-emotional expectations for your child's grade. 
  • Does your child have the skills to meet those expectations?
• Identify where your child may need additional assistance and support. 
• Find the appropriate help and support for yourself and your child. 

In our conversations with parents, we often find that we need additional information from the teachers and other professionals to better access the child's needs. 

Academic expectations for each grade are for the class as a whole. There will be variations of these expectations. In our experience, we find that there are kids that require additional time to acquire certain skills. Sometimes it's as simple as adjusting our pace.

Learning more about social-emotional skill expectations for each grade should be your starting point. Here are some helpful resources. 

 

Resources: 

https://www.socialmindcenter.com

https://www.understood.org

https://www.verywellmind.com 

• https://www.verywellfamily.com/what-your-child-will-learn-grade-guide-620869
• https://www.verywellfamily.com/middle-school-students-and-their-developmental-needs-3288057
• https://www.verywellfamily.com/child-development-overview-4172261

https://www.additudemag.com

https://spectrumnews.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finding your Power: Self-advocacy Language

Power to Choose!

Self-Advocacy

How to equip my children with words and communication skills to obtain what they need! The most important gift we can give our children is the freedom to choose, independence to exercise that choice, and the ability to live that freedom.

Skill: Learning the words and skills to self-advocate.

Review: What is language?

Language refers to the words we use and how we use them to share ideas and get what we want.

Self-advocacy means:

• When you speak up for yourself.

• When you decide what YOU want to do now or in the future.

• Understanding your strengths and weaknesses.

• Developing personal goals.

• Being assertive (meaning standing up for yourself).

• Making decisions.

• Communicating your needs and making decisions about the supports necessary to meet those needs (Martin Huber-Marshall, & Maxon, 1993; Stodden, 2000).

Strategy: Identify, define, and instruct your child to know their needs and know how to get what they need.

• Create a learning profile for your child. A learning profile details your child’s strengths, weaknesses, and needs (social, emotional, behavioral, and academic). Identifies the skill area and gaps tied to weaknesses. It is important to identify where the learning barriers are so that address proactively. Helping your child alternative identify means and strategies to achieve a task or solve a problem.

Build:

• Create a checklist of skill focus for your child. See categories below each skill section is prioritized based on importance for building independence and survival skills.

• Identify one or two areas and focus until the skill is mastered.

Skills should evolve with age and the demands of the environment. In which of these areas does your child need assistance to develop the skill to the demands of their age and environment. These are all areas that everyone has to develop and evolve throughout a lifetime. If your child has a learning difference the development of the skills in the impacted areas may require more focus and intentional instruction. Developing proactive strategies and alternative strategies where your child can obtain the support and assistance they need proactively. There are several areas that require continuous development:

• communication

• attention/focus

• perspective

• organized thinking: prioritizing, planning, and goal-driven objectives

Physical and healthy living needs: includes self-care and managing needs specific to me. Sensory, allergies, and other conditions:

• my body: exercise, healthy eating, and proper hygiene

• brain: focus, regulation, anxiety, and stress

• heart: emotional regulation and mood management

• creating healthy goals and habits

• identifying and creating supportive living and learning environments

Support: who can support me on my journey and understand my needs?

• family

• friends

• teachers

• coaches

• therapists

• mentors

• inspirational roles models

• initiating and building the relationships with helpers

Learning and training: these skill areas require intentional instructional coaching and/or intervention depending on the learning difference.

• seeking assistance and

  • tools and strategies that build skills. Finding alternative pathways and bridge skill gaps

  • reading about and researching resources/finding support and resources

  • social-emotional learning and competency:

    • social language: what words to use when

    • emotional awareness and regulation- words for emotions and the ability to manage emotions

    • perspective-taking (Theory of Mind):

      • Theory of mind (ToM) is the ability to attribute mental states to ourselves and others, serving as one of the foundational elements for social interaction.

      • Having a theory of mind is important as it provides the ability to predict and interpret the behavior of others.

    • organized thinking: goal-driven behavior

    • critical thinking: observe, analyze, interpret, reflect, evaluate, infer, explain, problem-solve, and decision making

    • decision making: the act or process of making choices.

  • employment

  • life skills- money management, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, computer skills, making appointments, and driving etc.

  • safety -self-defense and protection

Story:

As a Cuban refugee, my father’s parenting and education revolved around survival and life skills first. Understandably, my father’s worst fear was that I would find myself alone and unable to help myself. Having to flee his country with nothing but the shirt on his back and his knowledge. My father’s favorite words were “no one can ever take away your knowledge”. My father devoted his life to preparing me for full independence and self-sufficiency. Having me at an older age he feared that he would not always be around to help me so he rushed to share all he felt I needed to know to be able to take care of myself.

As a result, I have raised my children with the same philosophy. I did not have the same urgency believing that I have more time but do we? My father passed away when I was 23 years old. To my amazement, he shared all the knowledge and skills that I needed to be completely self-sufficient at 23. Including caring for him during his terminal sickness and supporting my mother after his death.

There is not a day in my life that I am not grateful for the gift of true freedom that my father gave me. He equipped me with the skills to have choices and live reaping the reward of great freedom. Choices give us freedom. My father was a great proponent of education and encouraged me to never stop learning. He always said that knowledge was the one thing that cannot be taken from you. Having experienced himself the communist regime of Cuba taking from everything he ever owned or valued. Thankfully, the regime did not take his family.

I have never stopped learning although I was fortunate enough to have a university education, most of my current professional knowledge was self-taught and driven by the deep desire to equip my children with the same freedom that I have enjoyed and thrived with. Both of my children have learning differences that have required intentional, individualized and strategic instruction to bridge the skill gaps. We also found different pathways to the same destination.

The only academic skills listed here are reading and research. Sometimes we can get lost in the rabbit hole of academics. When you look at this list you see that there are just so many skills that are not acquired in school. We must provide all children with the non-academic skills that are critical to their survival and thriving. Social-emotional learning encompasses a much larger portion of the skills required for thriving. Acquisition of knowledge is very important but more importantly, is the ability to apply and knowledge. With the daily evolving technology there are countless tools that make knowledge accessible. Education is not limited to the academic curriculum and academic institutions. Examine the scope of your child’s instruction and confirm that it is diversified and broad encompassing social competency. As well as survival skills which are techniques that a person may use in order to sustain life in any type of natural environment or built environment. 

My mother said I must always be intolerant of ignorance but understanding of illiteracy.

That some people, unable to go to school, were more educated and more intelligent than college professors.

Maya Angelou

The cognitive skills prized by the American educational establishment and

measured by achievement tests are only part of what is required for success in life.

Character skills are equally important determinants of wages,

education, health, and many other significant aspects of flourishing lives.

James Heckman

 

 

Flexible Parenting

Flexible Parenting 

Strategies 

 

Welcome to the Different Skill Notebook! We have a very special guest today Paula Mancino. Paula is an extraordinary client, an amazing teacher, writer, editor, and supermom. 

Her message today is as parents we need to have skills that our child needs to acquire and build. If we have the same weakness or fail to acknowledge our skill limits our parenting is hampered. One of the most effective teaching strategies is modeling. Paula, wants to share her strategies and processes to increase her son's cognitive flexibility. 

Skill: Parent cognitive flexibility

Some important factors to consider when teaching flexibility. 

1. Flex with and for your child: 

• Being able to flex with my child who has learning differences has its challenges.

1. • He often may not hear what I say
   • He often gets stuck on a preferred task or topic. It's like pulling teeth to get him unstuck and to transition to the next task
   • I have control issues and if I'm tired, pressed for time and anxious I end up applying pressure which results in him resisting transition even more
2. Why flex and keep calm? 
   • What I have learned through much trial and error is no matter what the circumstances if I can keep my composure he gets unstuck/flexes much faster and is willing to move on to the next task
   • If I cannot flex with his being stuck, now we both stay stuck, he digs his heels in and I yell.  Not a pretty situation and unless I reset my tone one of us meltdowns. 

Strategies: 

1. Be aware of whether you have your child's attention (eyes). Can they hear you and see you. 

2. Set Timer: when my child is engrossed I set a timer to remind him to transition and it also allows him a minute to stop, get unstuck. It is very difficult for him to walk away from something unfinished. 

Note wiring! By being aware that the lack of flexibility is rooted in a neurological difference and not defiance helps to manage the situation. Cognitive inflexibility is the inability to shift mindsets/transition and is frequently perceived as opposition. 

3. Be aware of your frustration level and expectations. 

• Walk away if your frustration level is high.  If you are both in a situation where compromise is challenging its best to take a break.
• Adjust and edit your expectations. Expect the unexpected. And be open to that assignment may take longer than expected. 
• Embrace your child's weaknesses and strengths. Allow the room and time to work on the challenges. Do not dismiss or overlook the difficulty in completing the task or in the skill area.

Some closing comments avoid:

• micromanaging and allow your child to create their own process.
• comparisons to other children and their performance will not help you or your child.
• thinking too far into the future and stay in the present paying attention to immediate priorities
• inconsistency since building skills requires consistent repetition. 

Thank you for joining us on our different skill notebook podcast. 

Consistency to Increase Learning

Consistency in Parenting

to Increase Learning!

 

Welcome to the different skill notebook podcast! Today we have a special guest Samantha Salver, LCSW. Samantha is one of the Social Mind Center fabulous team members she leads social groups, provides individual counseling, organized thinking coaching (executive function), and independent living coaching. 

Our smart conversation today is on the importance of consistency in creating a fruitful social-emotional learning environment in your home.

Consistency provides security, safety, and impacts how you connect with your child. 

In this episode we discuss 3 strategies to increase consistency in your home:

1. Create routines

2. Schedule and plan

3. Identify and share expectations for your children as well as consequences for poor choices.

Build on these strategies: 

1. Incrementally implementing routines around your family's identity and needs. 

2. Schedule and planning to provide structure and encourage self-regulation to increase productivity and independence.

3. Detail and outline behavioral expectations:

• set boundaries for building healthy relationships
• consequences for unexpected behaviors
• consistently manage your reactions to unexpected behavior as your modeling behavior
• explain the why for the poor choices and what alternative choices could be made in the future for similar situations
  • example: "Your friend asked you to play, and you did your own thing instead, they felt ignored when you were playing, that was unexpected, it hurt your friend's feelings. What could do next time?.."

We also discussed the importance of learning to edit expectations and manage hectic schedules. Simplifying schedules and commitments to leave room for play and rest. If you are a working parent you need to learn to say no to additional commitments because parenting is hard work and can be exhausting.

Visit our parent equipping section at www.socialmindcenter.com/parent-equipping.

Wonderfully made!

The Words to Express

Your Thoughts, Ideas and Feelings

Welcome to the different skill notebook an equipping tool teaching social-emotional learning. We will be focusing on the skill of building language. If I say to you please finish this statement I am ___________. How would you define yourself? However, you answered the question know that you are wonderfully made. Your child is wonderfully made. Say that to yourself I am wonderfully made. I wanted to start with this article a series of articles that focus on building language.

Language refers to the words we use and how we use them to share ideas and get what we want.

• What words mean.

• How to make new words.

• How to put words together.

• What we should say at different times.

Skill: Learning the words to describe oneself. The language to develop self-awareness.

Strategy: Providing your child with the words to describe their character traits to proactively build a positive self-image.

You want your child to have the words to describe themselves in a positive manner. The words that identify their character, personality, nature, temperament, qualities, and overall makeup. Within these character traits there are strengths and weaknesses. Even weaknesses can be positively identified as those qualities that everyone has and must manage, so they do not overpower strengths. It is just as important to identify our weaknesses as our strengths. We can not improve or change what we are unaware of. Knowing ourselves and understanding our needs are critical for healthy living.

When my children were in early elementary school this was an incredibly important skill to me. I did not want my children to be defined by others. I wanted them to be able to describe themselves and define themselves. I did not want them to build a self-image based on the perception of others. With both of my kids having learning differences and many challenges I never wanted them to think that they were just the sum of their weaknesses. I wanted them to know and understand the learning differences and learn to help themselves. Language is required for understanding.

I wanted both of my kids to know that they were wonderfully and purposefully made. And that their different mind would be misunderstood but this misunderstanding was not going to determine the outcome of their future. They were going to have some barriers and hurdles to jump because the educational system is not equipped to manage neurodiversity YET.

A child should never be seen as a sum of their weaknesses.

In our home we are very transparent about our strengths and weaknesses. I always share my struggles with building healthy habits such as productivity, exercising, and healthy eating. Especially now that I have teens as they are exposed to such unwise and unhealthy lifestyles and misinformation in social media. We are frequently discussing healthy habits vs. unhealthy habits. The choices that lead us to learn, grow, and self-improve. We want our children to better themselves, have balance and lead healthy, productive lives. As parents and educators, we are facing the enormous amount of negative and misinformation that youth is exposed to on a daily basis whether from peers or technology. Providing them with an alternative narrative (language) to express themselves in an encouraging, empowering, and positive manner is paramount.

Build:

Language to build self-awareness is the starting is to be able to identify their character traits. Also identifying strengths, weaknesses and how they impact daily life. Intentional instruction to leverage their strengths to manage and minimize their weaknesses.

We want to encourage our children to identify what distinguishes them from others. What is their original makeup?

First, provide the words, definitions, and examples of their character traits. How would you and how would they describe themselves as an individual? There were various definitions for character traits but this was my favorite. We want to encourage our children to identify what distinguishes them from others. What is their original makeup?

character trait: the strength and originality in a person’s nature.

The above list is one many that I found online when searching for character traits wording. I would lead this process by identifying the positive qualities. And leave the addressing the weaknesses when there is an understanding and acceptance of strengths. You may find that your child may have a poor self-image and in that case, we want to work on overcoming that perception. And investigating how they arrived at that perception. We will have a separate article to discuss presenting strengths and weaknesses in an encouraging manner.

What we believe about ourselves is so important. You want your child to have the words to build their story. The story you tell yourself drives your future. We are all originals and we need to help our children build their own brand because they are like no one else. Ana Anselma

Please visit our website www.socialmindcenter.com

 

Flex or Stress

 

FLEX  OR  STRESS!

 

Welcome! to the different skill notebook! We are continuing with our series on executive function skills focusing on cognitive flexibility. This is such an important skill during this time of continual change. Change can bring on stress, especially when we are not leading the changes. That being said, adaptability is essential right now in order for us to be fruitful during these unpredictable times. Today I want to discuss how inflexibility leads to higher levels of stress, mental and physical. The different skill notebook is an equipping tool for the whole family. Smarter living and parenting leads to healthier, happier, and thriving family environments and interactions. In previous articles, we have discussed increasing the flexibility of our children. This article is geared more so towards your role as the parent and your ability to flex.

We have been discussing for the last month the skill cognitive flexibility. Thinking flexibly requires:

• mental ability to move from one situation to another and adapting to respond appropriately to the situation

• mental ability to switch between thinking about two different concepts, and think about multiple concepts simultaneously

• mental ability to shift attention to another task

Flexibility requires moving, shifting, switching! How easy it for you?

It’s easy for me because I have had allot of practice in my personal and professional life. With having to adjust to circumstances out of my control. I realized that the more rigid or stuck I was on a certain perspective or expectation, the more stressful it was. Not just for me, but for all those in my inner circle.

When we are set on an expectation and things to do not turn out as expected, this can cause a great amount of stress and disappointment and can lead to an angry reaction. We are living in a time where constant change is the greater probability, and we are all required to adjust our plans. Remaining open to the possibility of adjustment to change may take the pressure off.

 

1. Edit expectations

The reason why you’re always stressed is because you expect this moment to be something that it’s not. You just stop and you accept this moment for what it is. Just breathe right now into that moment and it takes the anxiety and the pressure away of wanting this moment to be something that it is not. Just this moment, one moment at a time. It is a process. It is not just one thing.

You don’t wake up one morning and you suddenly have it all together.

Oprah Winfrey

What I love the most about his quote is “one moment at a time”. In my daily conversations with parents , they often get caught up discussing their child’s future and can often overlook important steps in the present. We can easily get ahead of ourselves and consume our thoughts with the future when we are in the present. Our stress and unnecessary expectations trickle down to our children. We pass on our stress to them. In showing our kids our ability to be flexible we are emulating for them a healthy model of expectations.

Due to both of my kids' learning differences I intentionally stayed in the present- meaning I stayed focus.

Consider can I edit expectation by adjusting :

• profile: adjust to match your child’s learning style

• pace: can we go a bit slower

• postpone or change timing: maybe a later date

• partition: break up project in small pieces

• process alternative: can be done differently

2. Unplug

From Technology, (phone, tv, radio and podcasts) and expectations of peers. Do real life, things that you can touch, feel and experience. Unplug from opinions.

We are way too connected to technology and what we hear and see we have absorb. This information impacts our emotions and perspectives. We need to be mindful of what we are watching and hearing. Unplugging means shifting gears to another thought process. Also, reminding myself that other parents opinions on how parenting should be done are just that opinions. Every child is different and so is every family. You must find the tools and strategies that work for your family. These are some practical ideas that I have been intentionally working on.

• Leaving my phone in the bedroom during different times of the day and not checking it for up to an hour.

• Sitting outside in the yard for 30minutes just getting some fresh air

• Short brisk walk or walking my dog

• Cooking together my kids

• Coffee break (just sip my coffee)

• Sitting still and in silence for 10 to 15 minutes

• Art or doodling

• Gardening

• Journaling dumping your thoughts on paper

3. Play

Not everyone plays the same way. But just know what important benefits plays does for our bodies, minds, and hearts.

• Laughter releases endorphins which are scientifically proven to relieve stress.

• Bonds people

• Helps us learn about one another-their likes and dislikes

• Could be as simple as telling jokes

• Listening to music/dancing 

• Arts and crafts...often we can relive our childlike joys doing something artsy with our kids

• Gardening

• Scavenger hunts inside or outside...

• Family hide and seek

• Dance party - play some music and dance

There are no limits really to the fun one can have when they give themselves permission to play, relax, unwind, and allow joy to fill us. This helps tremendously to separate from the mental clutter in our minds. It also helps us to sleep better. Making us better fortify and recharged to face the next day, being flexible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning Spaces and Schedules

Learning Spaces & Schedules

 

This academic school year is so uncertain for so many families. In the past two weeks, I have spoken to several parents that are struggling to make a decision regarding schooling this Fall. My advice is to prepare the aspects that are within your control such as preparing your home for back to school. Focus on setting up an encouraging and supportive learning environment in your home. There is the preparation that can be started whether your child will return to the classroom or will be home learning. This preparation will set a positive and motivating tone and will give you a sense of control in an unpredictable time. Involve your child so that they can start to prepare themselves by creating their learning space at home.

The space should be clear, simple, comfortable, natural lighting, and more than one seating option. Simple may take some thought and planning. In my visits to classrooms for behavioral observations, I am overwhelmed by the amount of print on the walls, furniture, and excessive amounts of stuff everywhere. We should take this opportunity to examine and revisit our processes. Can all this clutter cloud the child’s thought process? Let me give you a visual.

"First we'll bombard you with what educators call a print-rich environment, every wall and surface festooned with a vertiginous array of labels, vocabulary list, calendars, graphs, classroom rules, alphabet lists, number charts, and inspirational platitudes - few of those symbols you will be able to decode, a favorite buzzword for what used to be known as reading"

Resource:

Bennett, Colette. "Stop Classroom Clutter." ThoughtCo, Feb. 11, 2020, thoughtco.com/decorating-your-classroom-4077035.

Think empty space with minimal supplies, tools, and books. The space should have comfortable seating where the child has feet grounded. There are several seating options that allow for movement increasing focus.

Once you have established a simple and comfortable space there should be a dry erase board or tool where a schedule is visible for the child. A schedule is the second most important tool in a learning space. Children and teens tend to always have an agenda in mind that is not typically aligned what the expectations of their parent or teacher. Often my recommendations for implementing a schedule and adhering to a routine can seem simplistic and parent’s question of how can it be the solution to a child’s challenges with focus, impulsivity, forgetfulness, and inflexibility. Here are some reasons why a schedule helps so much:

Schedules target specific skill gaps as follows:

• Focus requires prompting and redirection when distracted: the child can look to schedule to get back on track

• Impulsivity requires boundaries, structure, order, and minimal temptations in surroundings:

  • The schedule provides assigned times and tasks to assist with getting started.

    • Scheduling specific breaks with movement to address impulsivity

    • Scheduling break where a child can do a preferred or fun activity

• Forgetfulness requires reminders:

  • redirecting the child to review the schedule to see the next task

• Inflexibility requires advance notice and visual redirection:

  • visual notice of what to expect next encourages flexibility

Home learning schedules should be more efficient allowing for more flexibility in timing and instruction. The ultimate goal of having a schedule is to promote independence and self-sufficiency. Scheduling is modeling and supporting the child in self-directing their home learning day.

Thank you for listening. Please visit www.socialmindcenter.com/parent-connection-1 for more different skill notebook pages. 

 

 

Different Skill Notebook on Cognitive Flexibility

Cognitive Flexibility:

Flexing your Brain to Learn 

 

Welcome to the different skill notebook podcast! These are different times requiring different tools and skills. 

In this episode, we will define cognitive flexibility an executive function skill that allows one to move freely from one situation to another and to think flexibly in order to respond appropriately to the situation. 

• helps us to sustain or shift attention in response to different demands or to apply different rules in different settings

I cannot think of a more important skill in this current time.  Where different demands arise frequently and quickly.  Skill limitation in flexibility will considerably impact a child's overall success across environments.

Story: 

Adam is a client who is intelligent, eloquent, and technology savvy. He can really captivate the attention of peers with his technological knowledge and gaming success. When a peer or peers would like to move on to another activity or topic of conversation there is an exaggerated reaction from Adam.  This makes Adam appear to his peers as very controlling and bossy. This discourages peers from engaging Adam.  Adam is always on his own agenda and has now been taught to transition with peers more frequently and with ease. It is difficult for him to change gears but not impossible. The more opportunities and practice the easier it will be to shift gears. 

Shifting the agenda is something that has to be continuously and repetitively introduced. An important strategy to implement is to limit the amount of time that Adam spends on his preferred activity in order to expand his interests and expose him to new activities that he can share with his peers. It is important to expose to other peer interests this gives advance notice and prepares the child to receive an invitation to participate in a different activity. This is why increasing flexibility requires the continual introduction of different perspectives and activities. 

Also noting that the preferred activity can evolve into a career opportunity so the limiting of time spent in this preferred area should be to encourage exposure to other activities and experiences. The preferred activity is a source of escape for Adam from the challenges that experience daily as a result of his different kind of mind.  

Thank you for listening please visit us at www.socialmindcenter.com for more different skill notebook pages.